The Worst One Piece Fanfiction You Will Ever Read
by Darth Hawk 32
Summary: Categorized as a parody, because "crap" wasn't an option. And as Crime, because it is such, against humanity.
1. Chapter 1

Worst One Piece Fanfiction Ever

One day the straw hat crew were sailing the ocean. Because that's what they do. They're pirates.

The captain of the crew is a hairbrained idiot who always gets them into trouble. He wears a hat that his child hood hero Shanks gave him and…

…

…

Ah, we've been informed that the readers of this fanfiction are not idiots, and that they do know in fact what this show is about. Hence a long and tedious introduction of the characters is unnecessary and only wastes space, since no one that doesn't already know this show would be reading this.

Anyway, the rest of the crew was made up of…oh fine, I get it.

So, Zoro and Sanji are, like, totally gay for each other. I mean, they're always fighting, and there's all this sexual tenstion, and, like ohmygosh, they'd be like totally cute together.

Right, well they do say that when a guy and a girl fight a lot, that means they totally want in each other's pants. So the same must be true for guys. Except…it's not…yeah…

So, one day this dude shows up on this, in the middle of the ocean, out of nowhere…meh, let's say he was eaten by a seaking, but he got free. And he's all like, "I'm Awesome McAwesomepants. I'm so awesome because I'm a fictional representation of what the fanboy author wishes he were like. But I'm not really the author, so it's not a self insert, because no one could be as awesome as I am, Awesome McAwesomepants."

And Luffy is all like, "Whoah, you're awesome you need to be in my crew."

And Robin is like, "Oh my gosh, you make me so horny, make babies with me Awesome."

And Nami is like, "Me too. Let's go find Vivi so we can make it a foursome."

And Vivi is all like. "Yayz! I'm actually included in someone's fanfiction."

And Zoro is all like. "Grrr, I don't trust you because I'm like that."

And Sanji is like. "Shut up stupid Marimo."

And Zoro is like. "Grrr, let's display more of our nonexistent sexual tension, thereby removing any potential suitors for the author's favorite female character."

Sanji, "What about Luffy?"

Zoro, "Don't mind him, he's just an idiot."

And suddenly a strange new enemy appears, and Awesome kicks his ass! Then Awesome is totally like, depressed because this enemy reminded him of his dark and wangsty past, that was written because the author was teased in gym class. "But I'm still awesome! Because I'm Awesome Fscking McAwesompants!"

And Nami and Robin are like. "Take us now angsty emo stud."

And then Mary Sue is like. "OMG I'm so perfect."

And Awesome McAwesomepants is like. "I'm sorry horny Nami and Robin, but Mary is the only girl for me."

And then there's, like, totally hot sex between Mary and Awesome.

And the audience is like. "Why the fsck did you make us read a romance between fscking OCs?"

And then they all died.


	2. Chapter 2

None of them knew why it happened.

It was an irregularly peaceful day on the Grand Line. Nothing whatsoever interesting was happening. Which makes it the perfect starting point. Zoro, who had been napping, an unusual occurrence for him, which is why I'm mentioning it, because he never takes naps, so I have to make sure you understand, that he is taking a nap. Because he doesn't do that, and I have to make sure that I'm bringing my point across. Anyway (AN: Lol, I'm the author and I'm talking to you, completely breaking the fourth wall and ruining the narrative of the story! Only silly writers do that! *Looks at old Gargoyles fanfic* Oh sh*!), Zoro woke up from his nap, because he had been napping (AN: That's not too subtle is it?), when he was overcome with an urge.

"Oh no," he said to himself, because that's what people do, they talk to themselves when no one is around. (AN: What? You don't?) Except this time Robin was nearby to hear him, because they were a couple now, I'm too lazy to explain how this happened, so they're a couple. Not that it'll matter in a few lines.

"What is it?" Robin enquired.

"I have the sudden urge to make out with Sanji."

"The voices in your head telling you to do that?" Robin said, putting her book down.

"Yeah."

"So I guess we aren't a couple anymore?"

"Not until I suddenly like breasts again."

Robin look down at her chest, and fondled her boobies. "What, like these?"

"Why are you doing that?"

"Fanservice."

"You won't be part of our mecha but you'll grab your own tits?"

"Fandom is inconsistent like that."

"Right, well, I'm off to make out with Sanji, see you when we get a new fangirl."

"I'll be waiting."

Zoro looked for Sanji in the kitchen, because Sanji, like a good little bitch, never left the kitchen. (AN: Lol, I hope I didn't offend anyone.) When Zoro opened the door to the kitchen he saw something that shocked and amazed and shocked him. And amazed him.

Sanji had Luffy pinned to the table, and was trying to make out with him. Trying to, because this time the fangirl in charge of them wasn't a fan of Yaoi!Luffy, and Luffy was fighting back against Sanji's advances.

Luffy looked over and saw Zoro standing in the doorway. "Zoro help! Sanji's gone crazy! I just wanted something to eat!"

"Sanji, how dare you betray me with Luffy!" Zoro pounced on Sanji, knocking him free of Luffy, and the two started fighting. Except it was the kind of fighting where Luffy would lay in his hammock and pretend they were fighting in Zoro's hammock. Because they were having sex. Because they're gay. Apparently.

Suddenly the door slammed open and Nami was standing there, "Nami-swan~" Sanji cried, before remembering that he was gay.

Nami was wearing a leather BDSM outfit, and when Luffy saw her his eyes bugged out and he tried to escape. But there was no escaping S&M Pirate Queen Nami!

To be continued...


	3. Chapter 3

Nami had Luffy tied to the bed and was hitting him with a writing crop.

"Are you turned on now?" She asked him, fondling her tits.

"No, you idiot!" Luffy yelled. "That fucking hurts!"

"Then how about this?" Nami asked, and started having sex with Luffy.

"Help, help!" Luffy yelled. "I'm being raped!"

"I'll save you, Luffy!" Usopp yelled, crashing through the door, with his manly facial hair all manly.

"Piss off Usopp!" Luffy yelled.

"What? I thought you were being raped?" Usopp said.

"Well," said Luffy, "I like it now. So go away."

"That's not how this works!" Usopp yelled.

"Either get your mask and join in," Nami said. "Or piss off, we're busy here."

"Hey, hey!" Luffy said. "This is a strictly LuNa fanfic!"

"Yeah," Nami said. "For the next five minutes."

"I can't," Usopp said, ignoring the two people having sex in the room. "For I am in love with Kaya! Even though Eichiro Oda has repeatedly said there will be no romance, and I'm starting to think he doesn't know how to write it in the first place. So I am doomed to a life of blue balls!"

"I'm doing fine right here," Luffy said, Nami still on top of him.

"Oh look," Usopp said. "This fangirl isn't a Usopp/Kaya fan, I'll go get my mask and be right back."

"Too late," Nami said. "This is a LuNaRo fanfic now."

"Hi," said Robin.

"What about Zoro?" Usopp asked.

"He's off being gay with Chopper," Robin said.

"He...what?" Usopp shuddered. "Chopper NOOOOO!" And he ran out of the room.

"I hope we get someone who can actually write soon," Luffy said, as he was the meat in a Nami/Robin sandwich. "Who isn't just trying to make us all fuck each other."

"Protect your anus!" Usopp yelled from outside.

"I think that will be a while," Robin said. "This one had me fuck Franky and Brooke on the way over here."

"How does that work?" Nami asked, conversationally.

"Franky wasn't so bad, actually," Robin said. "He didn't modify his dick the way he did the rest of himself, otherwise I would have been torn in half."

"I thought women like giant dicks?" Luffy asked.

"I prefer to keep my innards un-crushed, thank you," Robin said.

"Wasn't that a Naruto fanfic?" Nami asked.

"Yeah, well, Naruto fans can get kind of weird."

"So how did you have sex with Brook anyway?" Luffy asked. "He's bones, he doesn't have a penis."

"Apparently he does," Robin said. "It's made out of bone."

"That...doesn't make any sense," Luffy said.

"Why is this one going on for so long!" Nami yelled. "I'm getting sore here!"

"It's an M rated fic," Robin said. "It's the only thing fanfic writers really know how to write."

And then there was a ship wide orgy. But Chopper wasn't involved. Because that would be nasty. Sickos.


End file.
